But Do Ya Mean It?

As young children most of us were taught to say “thank you” someone did something or gave something to us. And for many of us as adults, it is nearly an automatic reflex to say thanks or thank you when someone holds a door, when we get a coffee from a barista, or when someone hands us something at work. This practice aims to help us slow down, become more present, and actually inhabit a true space of gratitude in moments that would otherwise just be a reflex.

Over time you will find that this practice will help you to become more present in your day to day living. Many of the people I’ve worked with also find that it improves their relationships at work and helps them be more connective with other people in general.

Start by setting an intention for your day. (For those of you who know me, I am a big fan of daily intentions. They are a great way to help get your day off on the right foot and can help you set the stage for enjoying a more satisfying day.) Before you ever leave the house, gently share with yourself that you would simply like to tune into gratitude today. (Be sure to phrase your intention in a way that won’t cause you to feel bad if you miss the mark. You’re human, you will most likely miss the mark—that’s why this is called a gratitude practice and not a gratitude slam-dunk.)

Once you’ve set a bit of an intention. Think of a few interactions that you are sure to have in your day. (For example, if you know you will see a barista when you get your morning coffee. Or if you are certain that you will interact with a co-worker.) When you encounter any or all of these interactions remind yourself to be purposeful with your “thanks.”

Notice who you are saying it to. Notice why you are saying it. And notice how you are saying it. If you usually throw out a quick thanks, try making a bit of eye contact and be more purposeful with the way in which you are speaking. Slowing the moment down a bit and stretching out the thanks-giving part of the interaction by just a second or two can often be helpful (but just not too long, lest the pale of social awkwardness set in ;) ).

The most purposeful way to engage this practice is change up what you say, If you usually say a quick, “thanks.” Try, “I appreciate you,” or “I’m very grateful,” instead. Changing your phrasing to something more purposeful that requires a tiny fraction of more effort is often all it takes to catch someone’s attention and make them feel more valued. And its also enough to give you a different experience as well—one in which you will naturally notice what you are doing in the moment (which also helps you be more present).

This is the sort of practice that can be deceptively tricky. A lot of its success hinges on remembering to do it. Setting your morning intention can really help. But if you find that you struggle to remember, set yourself a few reminders—your phone, a little note—whatever might work to help you be more successful.

Most importantly, mean it—or at least try! Follow the intention you set at that start of your day and put a little belief behind your words when you offer your thanks to someone. It may not make a quantitative difference, but it will definitely make a qualitative one. And whomever you are talking to will know.

And it’s worth doing, as this practice is one in which you reap the benefits of almost instantly. It’s really great to see someone feel the gratitude you offer in real-time. And it’s equally great to notice how you feel as you help others feel valued. Admittedly, all this happens in mere moments, but it’s enough to brighten your day.