So… What’s Your Story?

We’ve all got a story. What’s yours?

In one way or another, you have probably shared parts of it with a lot of people. And you may have shared a great deal of it with a slim few. But have you ever really stopped to to articulate your whole story from start to finish for yourself? And more importantly, have you ever stopped to think about what your story means for you? Does it help you or hinder you? Does it hold you back? Does it keep you stuck in place? Or does it propel forward into the future you want to have?

Our stories, such as they are, define us. More than our name, more than even a deep survey of our homes, even more than our social media posts, our story is truly who and what we are. Our stories are built from our experiences. And those experiences are housed in our imperfect minds as memories. Those memories are not exact carbon copies of the literal events as they were. Rather, our memories shift a bit (or a lot)—depending upon our previous memories and our emotions, both at the time the memory is created as well as at the time of recall. Time also plays a roll. The further away we get from an event, the more ‘fuzzy’ our memories tend to become. And as we all know, time marches forward and has a way of taking our memories with it.

Along similar lines, our minds have proven to be more plastic (malleable) than we realize. Several years ago, neuroplasticity was a bit of a buzzword. Studies were published showing that the literal geography of a human brain can change based upon shifts in thinking and thought patterns. In other words, it’s not just personality, emotion, and prior experience that can automatically shift our memories over time, we actually have some agency in creating change. By purposefully and mindfully shifting your thinking, you can literally re-wire aspects of your brain. This is not to say that you can think away bi-polar disorder—far from it. But with time, effort, and patience, it is certainly possible, to make shifts toward the good. Just like the negative thought patterns and reactions that become ingrained in our minds, so too can we choose to replace those patterns with something better. Things like gratitude practices, mindfulness meditation, and actively seeking out the good in things will, over time, become hardwired into your thinking.

All of this is to say, that the story you have in your mind may not be as literally true as you might believe. You are also able to do something about that—which is a powerful opening for personal growth, healing, and productive steps forward into a new chapter of your life. Taking a look at who and what you believe you are, gives you an opportunity to become who and what you’d like to be.

As you explore the story you have of yourself, as yourself the following 3 questions: is it true? is it helpful? is it kind? Not all the aspects of our past will be helpful or kind, but how we view them should be. Going through our stories of ourselves, can give us a road map for growth by helping us see what we need to heal. But it also gives us the chance to recast and reinterpret memories in a way that can be helpful.

I once worked with a client who reported being victimized and steamrolled by others because he was consistently too sensitive and quiet. I saw, however, someone who was quietly observant, intuitive, and empathetic to the needs of others. He was often able to plug into others’ emotions and understand their motivations and needs. It frequently made him a valuable asset in meetings at his work. But it also at times made him an easy target of louder more ambitious and assertive co-workers. We worked together to acknowledge his strengths, recognize that the behaviors of others was a more a reflection of them than him, and to focus on the value he consistently brought to situations. We, in essence, re-wrote his story in a way that was entirely true, helpful, and kind—which enabled him to move forward with greater confidence.

We often take our stories for granted. They are such a deep part of our lives, that we rarely realize they are actually tools that are instrumental to our paths of growth and healing. Because our stories so thoroughly define us, however, it can be difficult to identify, understand, and re-cast aspects that are not helpful to us entirely on our own. Reaching out to a coach or counselor is often incredibly helpful. As an outside observer, they have perspectives that we ourselves often lack. If you are interested in exploring your story and discovering ways in which it can help you grow closer to your ideal self, reach out. Book a session and lets discover the best story you can tell.